I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
