When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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