Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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