god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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