just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
