you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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