This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
