Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
