Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
