is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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