Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
