I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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