I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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