I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
