I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
3 2 1 whiskey
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize