ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
