I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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