I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
