I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
