i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
