I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
