Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
