my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
