I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
