yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
