why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
