i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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