Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
