I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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