u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
