I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
