I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
