My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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