he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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