You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
