I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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