Your tits are I can't wait for
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
