Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
