The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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