This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
