I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
