Why are handjobs necessary in class?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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