Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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