Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize