"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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