just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize