I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
