between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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