I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
