i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Still dying that you shit outside
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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