i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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