I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
