Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
