and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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