your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
