Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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