I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
