somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
