4 words: hood of his car
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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