Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
