apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
