I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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