the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize