Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
