Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
