I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
