And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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