Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
