the condom got lost in my hair
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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