It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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